Where I was a Year Ago October 8, 2012

On October 8, 2012, I hit my first major pit; this is where I was a year ago and still today; I am up and down, but hoping to get better small steps at a time. This is the entry I wrote in a notebook, while sitting in my home in the worst city on Earth.......




"When God is Not Enough"

When he walked away from me, I walked away from myself
He would come back; I had hope; was alive for a moment till he left again,
after he had what he wanted no more. I didn't want me either; still don't know if I want me still. It feels good not to love anymore. I woke up this morning. I didn't feel anything. Not feeling, being emotionless is healing me. I don't love. It feels good not to love. It's helping me move on. Loveless is healing. It feels so good right now to not love anyone, but to love things because things don't do anything to you, things serve a purpose and they stick to that purpose. People are unreliable, when it comes to love. I will never love. It feels good not to. And today, for the first time in months, I don't feel empty without him.