my life missing

I'm missing my old life. This constant battle to stay positive, upbeat, hopeful, grateful, and being happy in the moment, etc, is all less than possible. All a constant struggle, when you're stuck in a place in time and you know you've had/earned better for yourself before you lost just about everything fabulous. 

It hurts to work so hard for so long and gain so much and have it taken away all in a year's time. It hurts like hell.