yumma exp:09.30.2013

I had a big breakdown later today; it's been a while since I've had one this bad. I was driving home, from my gym flow, and my car was playing the song "No Love Allowed," by the ever so wonderful Rihanna. As I pulled into the driveway and parked my car, listening to the lyrics and thinking about how everything has been falling far apart (50%due to the breakup). I pulled myself together enough to make it into the house hoping that no one would notice my sour mood and "depression" deciding to visit after a pretty smooth day. 

He is always un-welcomed, but always ends up getting an invitation; I don't know how to fully stop him from raining on my parade. Long story short; I lay at the base of my closet and closed my eyes and tried to rest him away, but failed.



Besides my evil friend making an unexpected appearance later in the afternoon, earlier that morning, my father taught me how to install new front wheel brake pads; which was awesome because I saved a lot of cash by doing the job at home and it was easier than I thought it would be. (Thanks Daddy!)

I am also pleased that BAMA won Saturday!!!!!! Roll Tide!!!!!!!!!

Lastly, these little Starburst Candy Corns are Amazing. I am not a huge fan of candy corn, but these have passed the test of approval!!!!!! Now I not only love Starburst's (Fav Reds) Jelly Beans, but I love you too Candy Corn!!! 

I hope everyone has a good night and rest easy Love. -cc

Drowning.....

I need to stay away from aviation events. It hurts to see another thing that I love so much, smile at me dead in the face and be taken away at the same time. As much as I try to be thankful for the little things in life, it's still hard to ignore that I keep losing my love, life and well-being as time progresses. Things just keep getting worse. Things are constantly being taken away as soon as I try to gather a little piece of sanity back into my life. 

The only thing that I have control over lately, is going to the gym and feeding my dog....

Luca and possibly (working out) are the only things holding me together and they are the only things that I have some type of control over during this continuous fv@ked up downward spiral. I hope I feel better tomorrow and I hope I can try to share some of the air show pictures as well. Goodnight Love -cc

tired and overwhelmed

I am tired and overwhelmed from everything that has been going on the past year and a half. I feel like giving up; I feel so drained with dealing with my treatment and now my job. It just keeps getting worse each day; everything is more down that up, even though I try to trick myself into thinking otherwise. The problems are still there. I miss my old life; this is not where I am supposed to be......

The next three days are filled with a packed schedule; the first three will hopefully keep me somewhat distracted from reality (except for the air-show on Saturday) it still saddens me to be around aviation. I love planes  so much; I hope it turns out to be more enjoyable versus depressing for me. On Sunday, I will be attending early morning service at church and later that afternoon, there is an informational dinner for people who are interested in becoming members of their church home. 

I hope to be in higher spirits this weekend, so that I can post more pictures and happy moments that will possibly happen. Take care love and have a great weekend. -cc

not too great

The last few days haven't been too great. I received horrible news today and yesterday. I feel like the moments that I feel like I am moving up into the right directions, I only get slammed back down again. I have no idea what my life is going to be anymore. I am losing more and more each day. Life loves being a bitch most of the time. 

yumma exp:09.22.2013

Craisins, The Next Step of Faith, 49ers Fail, & "Circus"

I had a restless night, followed by an early morning. I had pondered on whether or not I was going to attend church this Sunday morning. The devil was giving me every reason not to attend (You are sleepy; take a nap/ You haven't been there since the change of schedule, that's pretty sad/You have nothing dressy to where....etc etc) The excuses where springing out everywhere. 

The good thing is, I didn't go back to sleep to catch up on rest; if I can be committed to go to the gym at 6am and workout each day, I can definitely attend church on Sunday morning. I joined the 9:55am service, and I was glad I decided to go; I felt like the message was tailored for me. From the sermon, I have made up my mind to take the next step and go to the informational meeting next Sunday night, for non-members who are interested in making the church their spiritual home. 

My healthy morning breakfast: Chobani Vanilla Yogurt and Craisins

Did this really happen today? What are the 49ers doing????? Or more like not doing?

By attending the early service, I was able to catch some NFL football today. My main focus was to watch the 49ers, but they lost...again. It's as if the lost to the Seahawks last week has them even more shook up than before the start of the last game in Seattle. Oh well, they place my other team this coming Thursday night (St.Louis Rams) So if the win for either team, will fall in my favor each way. 

Tonight is going to be a Britney Spears flash back kind of evening....I love the "Circus"and at-home manicure/pedicures.........Goodnight Love, rest easy.......

yumma exp:09.21.2013

Busy day....BlackHawks Picnic, CarShow, Midori, Gym Flow, & College Football.......

The early morning turned out better than I expected. It's hard to be around aviation events; I remember ten years ago, I had so much potential and accomplishments that I eventually; later on lived up to conquering. Yet, the past year has been a downward spiral and it was hard to think about being around so much aerospace related events. I survived it; it felt natural to be there. 

I actually ran into a classmate from college; we both took Unions of Collective Bargaining, Geography, and Aviation Weather together. 

She now lives in Dallas and over the past five years or so, she decided to not pursue air traffic control because it was too much. I reassured her that she was not missing out on anything. 

Looks like I need to bring some beer; I will not be showing up bare....

Obviously, there is mud here...#fromwhereistand

#fromwhereistand and my chuck taylors....


Later on that day, I attended a Car Show contest in the local area. 230 plus cars, trucks, and motorcycles entered the competition. I personally like the old ford trucks and the classic mustangs. ^^^^^^^^^^


My new crush finally made it to the house (handmade in Cleveland Rocks!!!) It's my new midori; I became obsessed with these midori traveler's journals, after spotting one on youtube a few weeks ago. I wanted to make one for myself, but after calculating the cost of supplies and materials to do so, It turned out to be cheaper to just order one. So there she is...my first MTJ; I will be using her to document my travels around the world the end of this year and next year. 

If anyone knows a great way to make my own personal refills, please share; I would greatly appreciate it.:)

Lastly, after eating three huge pulled pork sandwiches during the picnic, I knew I had to get some gym flow in tonight. Here is a quick #fromwhereistand picture during the beginning of my intensive weight training session this evening. 

Blessings of today included: Waking up this morning, sharing the day with parents, great food, great friends, great diet tips shared from my dear friend SB, Alabama winning, my new midori, and Lu Dog (of course)....Goodnight Love and have a great weekend. 


(ideas for midori and anything else on your mind) email me: thecookieconnie@gmail.com)

yumma exp:09.19.2013 - 09.20.2013

The last couple of days have been uneventful, which is a good thing for me. I decided to take the day off from working out at the gym and just focus on some serious grocery shopping. (It's been a while since I've done so.) 

My trainer says I need to eat more protein and less carbs; goodbye my dear Mr.Quaker Oats:( but you're killing my diet and only contributing to packing your sugar/fat onto my belly.) 

I also had the simple joy of wearing my new classic "chuck taylors"!!! Everyone is loving them, including myself. 

Who else is super ecstatic about the new Britney Spears single "Work Bitch"? I think she still got it!! I've been a huge fan of Brit since 1999!!! I am so excited for her; she moved on with her life and it's better than ever, since she dropped that dead weight of an ex-boyfriend/husband. I will be purchasing this album, when it comes out. "It's Britney Bitch!!"

Photo Credit: Britney Spears Account on Instagram

home sick and lost of independence

I've been working on this entry/post for a few days now. With the year approaching closer to the moment in time, when I lost everything wonderful about my life, I have found myself becoming more agitated and less patient with the progress of my well-being. Lately, being able to organize my daily tasks, (including really important things that I have been procrastinating on doing), are becoming more and more difficult, as time keeps flying by me each minute. My memory and time management are at a huge stand still; I am lucky to even make it to my appointments.

I remember when I was able to go through an eight to ten hour day at work, return home, fix food, feed the cat, workout, socialize, watch movies, volunteer for my organization, read, pay bills, take care of the usual responsibilities that randomly and routinely occur and be able to  prioritize it all with no problem.

With the extra time I have available now, I can barely get it together, and in the meanwhile, the "to do list" remains the same with new items being added to it daily. I miss my career; I miss the money; I miss the controlling aspect of it and feeling unbelievably powerful and on top of the world, (when secretly, It would freak me out each day I walked into the operations). 

The darkness of the room, would give a calm, peaceful feeling; yet, I would be sitting in the chair with my armpits sweating profusely. I would wear dark colored shirts to work, in order to hide my nervousness, while on position. What I couldn't hide, were the small beads of sweat that would lay stagnant on the bridge of my nose bone, just below the rim of my sunshades. I can handle that stressful work atmosphere again, but for how long; being put into this set-back in life has me second guessing myself. I have lost all mental confidence that gave me the guts and balls to do my job.

I miss California (with all its twisted, liberal, and fruitiness), I miss my beautiful home with the view of the mountains that would have snow caps during the warm winters. I miss the coolness (weather, feeling, and culture) of the city. I miss being alone, on my own time, in my own place; I miss being alone physically. Each night before I lay to sleep in my room, with the hole in the sky; I think about why the hell did I leave you....

cookie batch exp:09.18.2013

goodnight love..........

Hey, I'm trying to sleep; "turn out the lights; light a candle..."

Sydney, Australia 2012