Lustforchrist.wordpress.com

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Lustforchrist.wordpress.com

it's been a while.....

Some things have changed and some haven't. I've been low and full of energy over the past three months. Many ups and many downs, I really need to start posting again. I miss you Love!!! Have a great week:) 

Love, -cc

dropping certain people lightens the load

Sometimes you just have to forget certain people. The ones who frustrate you, darken your spirit; the ones who make you pessimistic, make the days cloudier than they have to be. 

They are the type of people that you never really miss; at the time, their only true value was to be in your life for a quick season, teach you a hard lesson or helped you realize how much stronger you really Are... Without them. 

You just have to drop the dead weight and move the fvck on and not give a damn.... 

mia

My heart and Mind have been up and down and all over the place; everyplace besides feeling at peace. I haven't been in the mood of posting lately. My motivation has been sucked up trying to remain somewhat stable in the middle of instability. Hopefully things will be better this week; I so desperately need it. 

lost and confused.....

Two of the worst things to feel in life....

Lost as to what is the next step to take, which waY to turn, what to do, what am I doing? Where am I going? 

And then to be confused as to what the f@&k was the point of taking the steps that got you further into this more f$&ked up state anyway. 

Feeling quite defeated at the moment; this always happens when I try to fix my future. I have no idea what is going to happen to me. And this feeling is depressing and heavy on my heart and mind. 

There are days that I will just stop and look up at the sky and enjoy the sight of the jets flying on final approach being sequenced in by some kick ass controller. I miss being kiss ass. 

Feeling like wasted potential and talent. I was once so f@cking amazing. 

When my dreams endure pain.....

This past Sunday morning, I had the most painful dream. I was crying, tormented, defeated, hopeless, and near death. It was the awful feelings that I experienced a little over a year ago, right after I had gone into a three month medical leave of absence from work...due to my clinical depression. 

The feeling was soreal; I didn't feel like a dream. So you could definitely imagine how relieved I felt to wake up and realize that I was still asleep. It still disturbs me because, sleeping is when I get a chance to break free from the craziness of my reality right now. It frightens me that I can lose peace and not only relive harsher moments from the past year while at rest and when I'm awake. 

one day, you'll wake up and realize....

That the one you are so damn crazy in love with, will never treat you right again. It takes longer for some; but it'll eventually fade away....the loving feeling, that is. 

And then one day, you'll begin to accept and love the people who want to be a part of your life and love you the way you deserve..... continuously and unconditionally. 

Your mind will become clearer than ever and you'll be able to see and recognize things that you did not notice that were there; you'll see things for what they are and become aware of the fact that you're not behind, missing out, or without.... the things you thought you wanted and needed. 

It's crazy for me to say it, but it is possibly true that everything happens right when it's suppose to occur; in your individual life. Love -cc